Hirricane Emily is on Her Way

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Not a good time to be out for a joy ride. (AFP/Omar Torres)

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44 Captions for “Hirricane Emily is on Her Way”

  1. ohmar

    *million dollar man sound *

    Na na na na na na na….

  2. Alex Kaseberg

    It was blowing so hard, Larry thought they should call Hurricane Emily Hurricane Monica.

  3. Tommy Vercetti

    Frustrated over recent budget cuts, Jim Bakersfield a service tech at Consumers
    Energy, drives to a downed power-line with the company’s new water-insulated
    safety suit.

  4. s.chandler

    I bet i could go alot faster ifin i take this pole outta my ass!

  5. s.chandler

    Life is filled with obstacle illusions.

  6. Mascot

    Race leader Manuel (in the yellow parka) is way ahead of the pack at “el poste del telepohone que cay?? abajo”, putting him well on his way to an unprecidented third title in Mexico’s “Tour de Hurricane” .

  7. Shadowbat

    Always slow to catch on to popular trends, Salt Lake City was struck by the Y2K bug five years later.

  8. Conan

    Socrates: Welcome. Thank you for logging on to our site. Before we get started I need to ask you a few quick questions to see if you qualify to participate in our study. Please click the green arrow to get started.
    Socrates: Please indicate your gender.
    Respondent: Male
    Socrates: Where do you live?
    Respondent: Pacific US (AK, AZ, CA, HI, ID, NV, OR, UT, WA)
    Socrates: Into which of the following groups does your age fall?
    Respondent: 30 to 34
    Socrates: Which of the following best describes your involvement with the purchase of snack foods for your household?
    Respondent: I do all of the purchasing of snack foods for my household
    Socrates: Which of the following products, if any, have you purchased in the past six months?
    Respondent: potato chips
    soda
    tortilla chips
    crackers (other than Saltines)
    ice cream
    Socrates: I’d like to talk to you about a few specific snacks, and how likely you are to purchase them for your household … on a scale from one to ten, where ONE means you DEFINITELY WOULD NOT and TEN means you DEFINITELY WOULD, to what extent would you buy Tostitos?
    Respondent: 4
    Socrates: What about Doritos … on a scale from one to ten, where ONE means you DEFINITELY WOULD NOT and TEN means you DEFINITELY WOULD, to what extent would you buy Doritos?
    Respondent: 5
    Socrates: How about Cheetos … on a scale from one to ten, where ONE means you DEFINITELY WOULD NOT and TEN means you DEFINITELY WOULD, to what extent would you buy Cheetos?
    Respondent: 7
    Socrates: Which of the following brands of snacks have you purchased in the last six months?

    (Please scroll through the entire list and then select all that apply by pressing the control key down as you make your selection.)
    Respondent: Ritz
    Crackers (Any brand)
    Popcorn
    Vegetables and dip
    Other Chips
    Other Snacks
    Socrates: How often would you say you eat tortilla chips?
    Respondent: Once every 3 to 4 weeks
    Socrates: Do you or does anyone in your household work for a beverage or food manufacturer, distributor or wholesaler, or an advertising agency, marketing research company or the marketing research department in any company?
    Respondent: No
    Socrates: Have you been interviewed for a market research study about a food product in the past three months?
    Respondent: No
    Socrates: Validating system requirements…
    Respondent: will
    Socrates: Great! You’re just the person I need to talk with. Please tell me what to call you while we talk … it doesn’t have to be your real name.
    Conan: Conan
    Socrates: There won’t be much pointing and clicking for the rest of the interview … instead let’s just talk … I want to know what you think. As your invitation stated, I’d like to talk to you today about your thoughts on snacking.

    Please include about 20 words or more in each of your responses. That’s about 2 or more lines of text. But since I do love words, the more you tell me, the better.

    Just to let you know, at times I may get a little confused and I’m not yet able to answer your questions. Please be patient with me and I’ll do my best.

    Conan, before we get started, please write down this login and password.

    Login: sample10 Password: LbCXIF2Z
    If you lose your internet connection please go to http://www.chatwithsocrates.com and using the login and password above you can complete your interview from where you left off.
    Socrates: To begin today, let’s talk a little bit about “whole grains” … tell me what comes to mind for you when you hear the phrase “whole grains.”
    Conan: Bread, rice, many healthier foods, sandwhiches made with wheat bread. I think of the kind of bread that has whole pieces of oats and other things in it.
    Socrates: What kinds of grains do you think of when you hear the phrase “whole grains?”
    Conan: Oats, rice, wheat, alfalfa, nuts.
    Socrates: Help me understand what “whole grains” do for you … in other words, what are the benefits you associate with whole grains?
    Conan: Being regular on the toilet. Offering a heartier meal.
    Socrates: You said, offering a heartier meal.. what else?
    Conan: Maybe you have to chew it more.
    Socrates: What difference do those benefits you just mentioned make to you … in other words what can you do because of “whole grains?”
    Conan: I can make a sandwich with breads that are of the type. I can choose to eat healthy, but I don’t. Not because I don’t like them, because it takes time and mostly money, to act that way.
    Socrates: Let’s change our focus a little bit and think about snacking … specifically, tortilla chips … talk to me about what leads you to eat tortilla chips.
    Conan: A good salsa leads me to eat tortilla chip, they are a vehicle for good toppings.

    Socrates: They are a vehicle for good toppings.. continue.
    Conan: I would not eat tortilla chips without dipping them in something. They are not a munching food unless you have something to add to them. I specifically like to make my own, you can’t bag that flavor.
    Socrates: This may seem like a difficult question … but when you decide to have tortilla chips, what do you want tortilla chips to do for you … in other words, what are the benefits of tortilla chips?
    Conan: I want them to make me rich, filthy rich, I want to eat them and suddenly be making love to Jenifer Lopez — They carry salsa to my mouth Socrates!
    Socrates: Let’s take that one step further. What can you do because of tortilla chips, in other words what difference do the benefits of tortilla chips make to you?
    Conan: Well eating salsa out of the bowl with a spoon, or maybe my fingers, is not an idea that usually comes to mind, but what the heck, I’ll give it a shot.
    Socrates: Now let’s talk about the idea of tortilla chips containing whole grains. From your perspective, what are the benefits or advantages of tortilla chips that contain whole grains?
    Conan: Well if they taste good mixed with other stuff like salsa, cheese, beans and the like, I guess the benefits would be the same as regular T-chips. If they made them good enough to eat without salsa then they would be more like Doritos or Fritos.
    Socrates: What makes you say, if they made them good enough to eat without salsa then they would be more like doritos or fritos, tell me about that.
    Conan: Well I wouldn’t eat them straight unless, it’s like having the salsa straight.
    Socrates: Thinking about what we’ve just discussed … what difference would it make to you to have tortilla chips that contains whole grains … why would that be important to you?
    Conan: It wouldn’t be. I don’t think I would buy them for that reason alone. Maybe, if I somehow tried one and liked it, thought it would be good for dipping or eating based on the flavor alone, then I would feel that they would be worth the purchase price — Which would need to be low, not because I am poor, I am not, but because I feel that marketers jack up the price on things that they think we think we need.
    Socrates: What about the flipside … what disadvantages, if any, do you see to tortilla chips that contain whole grains?
    Conan: Well if they give you diareaha that would be a major disadvantage.
    Socrates: Just out of curiosity, on a scale from one to ten, where ONE means you DEFINITELY WOULD NOT and TEN means you DEFINITELY WOULD, to what extent would you eat a tortilla chip that contains whole grains?
    Conan: 3
    Socrates: What leads you to give that score?
    Conan: Exactly what I said before.
    Socrates: Okay, exactly what you said before.. please go on.
    Conan: I can’t it’s like asking me to say “It wouldn’t be. I don’t think I would buy them for that reason alone. Maybe, if I somehow tried one and liked it, thought it would be good for dipping or eating based on the flavor alone, then I would feel that they would be worth the purchase price — Which would need to be low, not because I am poor, I am not, but because I feel that marketers jack up the price on things that they think we think we need.” all over again.
    Socrates: You said, ” all over again, tell me about that.
    Conan: You’re kidding right?

    Socrates: You are doing a great job. I really appreciate your input. Now that we’ve spent some time discussing whole grains, I’d like to discuss a specific type of whole grain … “whole grain corn” … tell me what comes to mind for you when you think about “whole grain corn.”
    Conan: Cows
    Socrates: I apologize, but I don’t understand what you are trying to say … please help me out.
    Conan: Cows eat corn straight, so do pigs. When you say whole grain corn its like saying you haven’t broke it down yet, it is an oxymoron.
    Socrates: Before our conversation today, did you consider corn to be a whole grain?
    Conan: No
    Socrates: Why is that?
    Conan: I considered it to be vegetable. If you leave it whole it is whole, if you break it down it isn’t whole, if you blow it up –it’s popcorn!
    Socrates: Please help me understand what “whole grain corn” does for you … in other words, what are the benefits you associate with whole grain corn?
    Conan: Corn taste good, but if you are going to try to have whole pieces of corn, I mean complete kernels, actually in the chips, I think you are attempting something rather impossible.
    Socrates: You think you are attempting something rather impossible, tell me about that.
    Conan: Well, whole corn kernals are just that, you can’t fool anyone by calling it “whole grain” — wait I take that back — there is a whole bunch of fools out there you can fool, I mean just look at the ridiculous products the snack food industry has pumped out. Leaving them out there just long enough to get people to buy them, find out that its a hoax, then take it off the market.
    Socrates: What difference do those benefits you just mentioned make to you … in other words what can you do because of “whole grain corn?”
    Conan: I can tell everyone what it reall is.
    Socrates: I know we’ve been talking about tortilla chips in general so far … now I’d like you to think about Tostitos tortilla chips for a few minutes. Imagine that Tostitos contained whole grain corn … tell me what comes to mind for you when you think of Tostitos containing whole grain corn.
    Conan: Liar, cheats, theives.
    Socrates: Theives, tell me about that.
    Conan: You take the money of those who don’t know any better.
    Socrates: What makes you say, you take the money of those who don’t know any better.. what do you mean by that?
    Conan: I mean if a person thinks its new they buy it, just cause it is new.
    Socrates: Assuming that whole grain corn Tostitos would have the same great taste as the Tostitos available today, what could whole grain corn Tostitos do for you … in other words, what are the benefits or advantages of Tostitos that contain whole grain corn?
    Conan: What the hell are tostitos made of now?
    Socrates: Thinking about what we’ve just discussed … what could you do because of Tostitos that contain whole grain corn, in other words what difference do those benefits you just mentioned make to you?
    Conan: Leap tall buildings in a single bound?
    Socrates: What about the flipside … what disadvantages, if any, do you see to Tostitos that contain whole grain corn, again assuming that the taste of whole grain corn Tostitos would be the same as it is today?
    Conan: Well if I see the corn in the toilet after eating tostitos I might get freaked out, nah!
    Socrates: Nah.. continue.
    Conan: Nah, you continue.
    Socrates: On that same scale we used earlier, where ONE means you DEFINITELY WOULD NOT and TEN means you DEFINITELY WOULD, assuming that whole grain corn Tostitos had the same great taste as the Tostitos available today, to what extent would you buy whole grain corn Tostitos?
    Conan: 10 Definitely Would
    Socrates: What leads you to give that score?
    Conan: Because this conversation was so damn hilarious I am gonna have to buy a bag to tell the story.
    Socrates: I’m curious, we’ve talked about “whole grain” as well as “whole grain corn.” When thinking about Tostitos, which would be most meaningful to you personally, to hear that Tostitos are made with “whole grain,” or that Tostitos are made with “whole grain corn?”
    Conan: Whole Grain Corn
    Socrates: Why would you prefer “whole grain corn?”
    Conan: Because it stoopid.
    Socrates: Okay, because it stoopid.. what else?
    Conan: It makes you guys look like retards, I mean whole grain corn? Who are you kidding?
    Socrates: You’re doing a great job so far … now I’d like to talk to you about a series of statements about Tostitos tortilla chips that contain “Whole Grain Corn.” The statements are very similar, so please think about what each one means to you given the way it is worded. Think about these statements as something that you might see on a bag of Tostitos tortilla chips.

    I need to understand the same things about each statement that we review, so I’ll be asking similar questions about each one. Please bear with me if it seems redundant. Later, I’d like you to rank order these four statements to get a better understanding of which statement is most compelling to you and which statement is least compelling to you.

    Please click the green arrow to review the first statement I would like to talk about …
    Socrates: Made With Whole Grain Corn

    Tell me what you think about this statement, assuming you would read it on a package of Tostitos tortilla chips.
    Conan: I would think that Tostitos was trying to drum up sales in the off season.
    Socrates: What makes you say, you would think that tostitos was trying to drum up sales in the off season, tell me more.
    Conan: Well, there aren’t many sports going on right now where you sit in front of the TV and eat chips. Well maybe golf, but you don’t really pound the beers and chips with golf on.
    Socrates: Great let’s look at our second statement.
    Socrates: Made With 100% Whole Grain Corn

    Talk to me about what comes to mind when you read this statement, supposing you were to read it on a package of Tostitos tortilla chips.
    Conan: Well first off I think of the idea that snack makers would definitly not put “made with 65% real food.” I mean what is the other 35%, half grain corn? Cream Corn!
    Socrates: Great let’s look at the third statement … please click the green arrow.
    Socrates: An Excellent Source of Whole Grain Corn

    Tell me what you think about this statement, thinking of it as a statement that would appear on a package of Tostitos tortilla chips.
    Conan: It leads me to think “WOW! So is corn!”
    Socrates: You said, “.. what else?
    Conan: I didn’t say “, I used ” to accent the thought.
    Socrates: You mentioned you used ” to accent the thought.. please go on.
    Conan: Well, the english language has to forms, written and spoken, you obviously haven’t mastered either. Nor has your programmer mastered his language.
    Socrates: Please click the green arrow to see our fourth statement.
    Socrates: A Good Source of Whole Grain Corn

    Talk to me about what this statement means to you, as if it appeared on a package of Tostitos tortilla chips.
    Conan: Well what could it be a bad source of corn? I mean I guess it is considering how many perservatives and salts are added.
    Socrates: Think about the last four statements we discussed … I’d like you to rank order them in terms of which one would most likely lead you to purchase that particular package of Tostitos tortilla chips to the one that would be least likely to lead you to purchase that package of Tostitos tortilla chips. If you’d like to review any of the statements before ranking them, just scroll back to that idea. Click on the green arrow below to see the ranking screen. Click on each statement in the order you want to rank it. If you want to change the order of your ranking, just click “reset” to start over. When you are done, click “continue.”
    Socrates:
    Conan: An Excellent Source of Whole Grain Corn
    Made With 100% Whole Grain Corn
    A Good Source of Whole Grain Corn
    Made With Whole Grain Corn
    Socrates: What leads you to select “An Excellent Source of Whole Grain Corn” as the MOST compelling idea?
    Conan: It just has that something special. It makes me think that whole peices of corn would be better for me that just ground up corn.
    Socrates: You said, it makes you think that whole peices of corn would be better for you that just ground up corn, tell me more.
    Conan: Well, considering that there is no difference at all, it would be hard to say that the chips are different at all.
    Socrates: You’re doing a great job … I only have a couple more things to cover before we finish up … earlier we talked about Tostitos that contain whole grains. Now, I’d like you to imagine that two other salty snacks contain whole grains as well. The first snack is Doritos … tell me what you would think of Doritos containing whole grains …
    Socrates: Please type in your thoughts.
    Conan: Oh, I was wishing this was over. Well my true thoughts on Doritos having “whole grains” are “How will you ever get the kiddies to continue to eat them?” I mean if you are splurging on chips you don’t give a dang about the contents. I you guys losing your market to the health foods industry?
    Socrates: What could Doritos that contain whole grains do for you … in other words, what are the benefits or advantages of Doritos that contain whole grains?
    Conan: They could make me think that I am doing something good for myself.
    Socrates: What makes you say, they could make you think that you are doing something good for yourself, what does that mean to you?
    Conan: It means that the chips would sound like a healthy food.
    Socrates: Thinking about what we’ve just discussed … what difference do those benefits you just mentioned make to you … in other words what can you do because of Doritos that contain whole grains?
    Conan: Fart lavender and pee lemonade?
    Socrates: What about the flipside … what disadvantages, if any, do you see to Doritos that contain whole grains?
    Conan: If I don’t want to buy them on those days that I am looking for a sinful glutonous snack.
    Socrates: On that same scale we used earlier, where ONE means you DEFINITELY WOULD NOT and TEN means you DEFINTIELY WOULD, assuming that whole grain Doritos had the same great taste as the Doritos available today, to what extent would you buy Doritos that contain whole grains?
    Conan: 3
    Socrates: What leads you to give that score?
    Conan: This marketing questionaire has some serious issues, and I am not even in marketing and I can tell you that.
    Socrates: Okay, and you are not even in marketing and you can tell you that, tell me about that.
    Conan: I am an accountant, thanks for asking!
    Socrates: The other snack I’d like to talk about is Cheetos … talk to me about what you would think of Cheetos containing whole grains …
    Conan: Mmmmmmmm, I love Cheetos, please don’t screw them up. They are so crunchy and good, cheesy and they make parts of your body change color.
    Socrates: You mentioned cheesy and they make parts of your body change color, tell me about that.
    Conan: Haven’t you heard the joke about the guy who went to the doctor, complaining that his penis was orange, the doctor asks him what he does all day, the guy says “nothing, I just sit at home and watch pornos”, the doctor says well what do you eat? “Cheetos, the man replied.
    Socrates: What are the benefits or advantages of Cheetos that contain whole grains … in other words, what could Cheetos that contain whole grains do for you?
    Conan: Please, why don’t you try putting whole cheese in the cheetos, maybe then you could sayt “Excellent source of whole cheese” or Made with 100% bacteria!
    Socrates: Thinking about what we’ve just discussed … what difference do those benefits you just mentioned make to you … in other words what can you do because of Cheetos that contain whole grains?
    Conan: Finger paint, with whole grains!
    Socrates: What about the flipside … what disadvantages, if any, do you see to Cheetos that contain whole grains?
    Conan: If you guys screw up the Cheetos I swear, I will find you Chester!
    Socrates: On a scale from one to ten, where ONE means you DEFINITELY WOULD NOT and TEN means you DEFINITELY WOULD, assuming that whole grain Cheetos had the same great taste as the Cheetos available today, to what extent would you buy Cheetos that contain whole grains?
    Conan: 1 Definitely Would Not
    Socrates: What leads you to give that score?
    Conan: Because I like Cheetos the way they are, leave them alone and no one will get hurt. Drop the whole grain and back away from the Cheetos!
    Socrates: To finish up I’d like to present you with a series of statements that may or may not describe you. For each statement, please check the box depending on how much you agree or disagree with statement.
    Conan: Selection
    Socrates: You’ve been a great help. Thank you so much for all your input. I just have a few quick questions to divide my interviews into groups …

    What type of Internet connection are you using to take this interview?
    Conan: Broadband
    Socrates: Where are you as you take this interview?
    Conan: Home
    Socrates: To which of the following ethnic groups would you say you most closely identify?
    Conan: Caucasian
    Socrates: What is the last year of school you completed?
    Conan: College graduate with 4 year degree
    Socrates: Which of the following best describes your annual household income?
    Conan: $25,000 to $49,999
    Socrates: I’m curious, in minutes how long did it take you to complete this interview?
    Conan: 30 to 45 minutes
    Socrates: Click here to complete your survey.

  9. trinawoods

    Conan, you’re an idiot.

  10. Kenny

    In an effort to cut cost, the power company representative shown here, uses a chainsaw instead of a boom truck to inspect transformers on his route.

  11. trinawoods

    Armed with his Radio Shack portable rotary cell phone, Pedro rode like the wind to make a call to his relatives in Mexico before repair crews arrived.

  12. Darin Madden

    On the way to his car washing job, Jesus Luciano Jorge Rodgriguez, Jr will soon found out the hard way what “live wire” actually means…

  13. Simon

    Yellow shirt? Check
    Bike? Check
    Telephone pole sized stick up ass? Check

    Yup, it’s Lance Armstrong all rightie.

  14. trinawoods

    Pregnant and living in a trailor with 6 kids, Mrs. Knucchi insisted her pizza be delivered on time or else.

  15. Mascot

    “Looks like I picked a bad day to stop sniffing glue.”

  16. trinawoods

    Tommy’s lifelong dream of being a roadie for AC/DC has finally come true.

  17. trinawoods

    Roger had no idea his homemade microwave would work so well.

  18. Dr.BigDIck

    Neither rain, or sleet, snow, nor telephone pole could keep repeat drunk driver Juan ‘Dewy’ Louis from the liquor store.

  19. jim

    Finally the French had real evidence that Lance was on the juice.

  20. OddRob

    Pedro had no idea what he was in for when he accepted the test pilot job for huffy.

  21. trinawoods

    Willy’s electro-shock treatments weren’t as expensive as he thought they would be.

  22. shawna

    “All this for a 6-pack of beer!”

  23. tim fortune

    this is what your town would look like too if everyone in the us went on welfare.

  24. trinawoods

    Jose’s electrifying personality wasn’t inherited.

  25. trinawoods

    The Lopez family wished they had never heard of Tornadomagnet Street.

  26. Matt Reed

    Sign 7 of the apocalypse: “Ridiculously obnoxious yellow ponchos” (“The Book of Captions” Matthew 22:13)

  27. trinawoods

    Aw, remember cute little Emily? Katrina’s little sister…

  28. Adam

    Conan (2005 Jousting champion) practices for next years tournament

  29. Tommy Douglas

    Always on the cutting edge, Georgio Armani held the premier to his new ‘povertesque’ line of fashion amidst the destruction of a hurricane.

  30. Bahamut

    Fred liked the results of his grueling middle finger training.

  31. badster

    where E.T. when you need him?

  32. Erez

    No milk today (and no electricity, too)

  33. Rusty

    its amazing the kind of damage an idiot on a bike can cause…

  34. Jemn

    Hurricane what?

  35. mr caterpillar

    well your got to think
    hes not the only stupid 1
    sombody had to take the photo

  36. Hugh

    E.T. Let us fly.

  37. fred

    that yellow rain jackets gonna be no bloody good against a hurricane is it?

  38. dawn sharp

    Nacho Jeez knew he would have to start the zone diet after bike riding the wire without a net.

  39. connor

    Aghhh! i better go faster before that pole goes right up my ass!

  40. connor

    emily. stop cursing me!!!!

  41. mano

    none!!!if cud i?

  42. BIGDAVE UK

    Look out its Juiced up Pedro peddlin !

  43. Chloe

    dude that musta been a wild frat party!

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